Personal Sovereignty felt foreign to me growing up in China. The idea of having the inner authority to choose how we relate to life’s conditions wasn’t part of my upbringing. However, through the inviteCHANGE coaching program, I’ve learned that Personal Sovereignty is about accepting responsibility for our choices and shifting from victimhood to empowerment.
This journey is not just about being present but also about becoming the person who fully embraces this inner authority. In this article, I explore how these ideas have taken root in my life, especially during a recent family trip where I was still holding onto a victim mentality.
Soften the Tightness in My Heart: Recognizing Where I Play the Victim in Life
Recently, while practicing coaching with a parent, I revisited concepts from The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. The book describes how newborns record their environment through every sensation, sound, and smell, which resonated with me during a recent family trip from Seattle to Atlanta.
Despite planning to leave by 8:00 am, we didn’t get on the road until 8:30 am. As the driver, I felt a wave of panic at 9:45 am when we were still on the highway, with the airport 45 minutes away for a 10:44 am flight. Frustrated, I told my husband and kids, “Next time I say we need to leave by 8 am, please be on time! I get nervous on tight schedules. I’ve already messed up two turns. If we miss the flight, don’t blame me!”
Recognizing the Victim
The tightness in my chest grew as I silently blamed my partner for his “unnecessary” breakfast and lack of preparation, even though I didn’t vocalize these resentments, knowing that responsibility also lay with me. As I nervously switched lanes, I realized this physical tightness was a signal of my inner victim, reflecting the suffering I impose on myself. Growing up, I felt similar sensations during family conflicts and while struggling to finish exams on time.
Shifting to Empowerment
Acknowledging my physical and emotional state, I calmed myself: “I need to breathe; I’m overwhelmed by the traffic and the time. And we can do this together.” After a few deep breaths, my partner and I mapped out our options: Plan A, if we miss the flight, at least we’re together and can find a hotel. Plan B, I’ll get the kids on the flight, and he can catch the next one if needed.
In the end, we made the flight, but it was a close call.
Lessons Learned
This incident vividly taught me two important lessons:
A) How I self-sabotage by playing the victim instead of taking ownership, and how recognizing my body’s signals can help me shift to a calmer state.
B) How I should model a more empowered approach for my kids, even when schedules are tight, as their body also keeps score at an early age.
What Is Personal Sovereignty?
As I began to understand Personal Sovereignty, I kept returning to my intrinsic drive for freedom — freedom from the unknown and from suffering. I became curious about how Personal Sovereignty and Freedom are intertwined.
“To be a victim is to be heavy, to be weighed down. To be free is to live as we intended.” — Richard Rudd
I once saw responsibilities as burdens, but now I realize that the true weight lies in a victim mindset. Embracing my ability to choose and taking full responsibility for my life has freed me from the fear of the unknown. This shift has gradually nurtured my confidence in making decisions aligned with my values. Though it takes time to tune into my intuition and clarify my desires, I choose to trust my inner authority.
The Language of Victimization vs. Empowerment: A Bilingual Comparison
Our words are powerful. They shape our reality and influence how we perceive and interact with the world. By shifting from victim language to empowering language, we reclaim our authority and open up new possibilities for growth and transformation.
At inviteCHANGE, Guiding Principle #6 — Promote empowering language and personal sovereignty — resonates with me deeply. To effect long-term behavioral change, I recognize the need to be mindful of my body, emotions, and thoughts.
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” — Mahatma Gandhi
Below is a table comparing victimized and empowered language, organized from inviteCHANGE notes. This comparison has been instrumental in helping me unlearn and reshape my daily language choices:
Conclusion
As I continue to practice Personal Sovereignty, I am reminded that it is not a destination but a journey. Each day offers a new opportunity to choose empowerment over victimhood, to embrace responsibility, and to live with integrity. Discovering Personal Sovereignty has been an enriching experience, and I look forward to applying it even more. Life is truly an adventure.
Thank you for reading this short lesson. I’m keen to learn from your wisdom and suggestions on the following:
How do you perceive the concept of Personal Sovereignty? What’s your favorite takeaway from my visual notes and insight summary? What would you like to see more or less of? Other suggestions?
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Wednesday Wondering:
Every week, I share the most wondering thing I’ve learned about Self-Knowledge. Drawing from my generative coaching notes, insights from user research, and my passion as a meditative art facilitator, I’ll share short lessons that help me rediscover joyful purposes in life and work. With a beginner’s mind, join me on the tide of coaching together.
Resources and References:
- inviteCHANGE: An organization dedicated to empowering individuals and organizations to live authentically, align with their values, and cultivate prosperity.
